He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I didn't notice because vodka
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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