I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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