i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
