Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
