I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
