Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
