it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
