I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
