she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
