im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
