He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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