Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
