just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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