How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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