Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
