At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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