JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
