I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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