dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize