How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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