none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dick very happy bro
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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