Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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