Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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