I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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