He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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