her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
