I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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