my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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