mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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