I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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