I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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