failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
