she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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