you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
