On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
