4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
