We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
