It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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