i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
this beer tastes like vomit already
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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