You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
