New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
