You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
