why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dignity is for republicans.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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