I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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