Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
