He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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