So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
