I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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