Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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