Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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