So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
