Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
